


atleast in this lifetime, i'll stitch the words of the universe for you

by t6chibana



Category: Free!
Genre: 5+1 Things, Alternate Universe - College/University, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-19
Updated: 2020-11-19
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:13:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,076
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27631219
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/t6chibana/pseuds/t6chibana
Summary: haru thinks makoto is all the starts aligned and is the reason why poetry exists.(or alternatively, the five times haru assigns a poem for makoto and the one time he didn't.)
Relationships: Nanase Haruka/Tachibana Makoto
Comments: 4
Kudos: 23
Collections: Tachibana Makoto Birthday Exchange 2020





	atleast in this lifetime, i'll stitch the words of the universe for you

**Author's Note:**

  * For [lonesomewriter](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lonesomewriter/gifts).



> hi, milo! hope you enjoy this <3
> 
> PS. a fact that no one asked for, i wrote this when sun was in scorpio (makoto's sun sign) and the moon is in cancer (haru's sun sign). that's why this is sorta mushy.
> 
> PPS. do i regret it? no.

#  1\. sonnet 116 (william shakespeare) 

## 

love's not time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks within his bending sickle's compass come; love alters not with his brief hours and weeks, but bears it out even to the edge of doom 

✰✰✰ 

being a librarian makes you a better person, said no one ever.

(well, amakata-sensei, the head librarian, _did_ say that when he told her that he’ll be an addition to the growing population of university student-librarians.

she pats his shoulder, “you’ll do great, nanase-san.”

i literally have no qualifications to be here, he thinks but just nodded in response.)

not like it’s a chore for him anyway because he loved books more than anything, especially poems. he thinks it’s a skill to pour feelings into words and have it resonated with millions of readers, and even more so to be vulnerable enough to write about someone and publish it for the world to know. of course, he’d never say that out loud to anyone and resorts to reading alone.

nagisa hazuki, a freshman from the physics department and another student-librarian would absolutely call him “such a cancer” (whatever that means) if haru ever says his sentiments about poem and prose in the open, so he doesn’t. this is the same nagisa hazuki who’s putting (throwing?) all his stuff in his bag because his shift is over and should’ve been in his classes three minutes ago. haru watches him grab someone else’s tumbler in his backpack which then resulted to an argument.

he hears nagisa’s high pitched voice saying “i really thought it was mine!”

haru would’ve loved to see nagisa and the stranger to fight over a piece of plastic but the bell from the door made a little ting! notifying everyone inside that someone entered the library. 

ah, the main event. 

if haru was thirteen today and still thinks he’s the main character in some sort of anime amongst other things, he’d think he’s mitsuha miyamizu and tokyo university’s resident heartthrob engineering major makoto tachibana who’s signing his name in the library logbook would be taki tachibana. 

(ha. would you look at that, they even have the same surname.)

but haruka nanase is not a seventeen-year old high-school student living in itomori and makoto tachibana is not a seventeen-year old high-school student part-timing in an italian restaurant. instead, haru is a burnout college student dissecting shakespeare’s century old lines, is a librarian during his free hours instead of partying or whatever his mother assumes about what college students do in this day and age and well, trying to subtly check out makoto tachibana as he sits down with his hardbound “the unwritten laws on engineering” and pulls out a pen.

everyone knows who makoto tachibana is; it’s kind of hard not to, really. he is technically a campus heartthrob (which haru thought titles like that shouldn’t exist past high school. nagisa asked him if that means he disagrees but haru says the title is fitting anyway). it’s really difficult to miss him in a crowd when he’s tall as a tree. but unlike his colleagues in the engineering department, like sousuke yamazaki, who’s more on the stoic and tsundere side of the spectrum; makoto tachibana easily smiles at everyone who greets him at the hallways and haru thinks he’s the type to rescue kittens stuck on tree branches even when it’s raining. and haru _swears_ a song plays a song everytime makoto tachibana enters the library. 

yeah, it’s safe to say that haru has the tiniest bit of crush on him. 

“you know, haru-chan,” nagisa says suddenly, causing haru to flinch. he didn’t remember seeing nagisa walk towards the counter. “i don’t think makoto-chan would mind if you ask for his number.”

haru glares in response but nagisa continues, “or literally anything that doesn’t involved relentless checking out when he’s studying.”

“shut up.”

“i’m just saying, he might want to hear some lines from wordsworth or something.”

haru feels his cheeks warm up at the thought of sharing poems with makoto tachibana so he reverts the topic to nagisa, “don’t you have classes to attend?”

nagisa’s eyes went comically big at this and haru watches as his friend runs towards the door and yells a “see you later!”

this caused him to let out a snort but eventually glances at makoto tachibana’s direction. it’s not like haru’s expecting his crush to return his affection and he thinks he’s kind of old for crushes anyway. so haru looks away, tries to let go of his kimi no nawa fantasies.

✰✰✰ 

#  2\. another minute, now without you, passed (reyvrex questor reyes) 

## 

and every wish, that with the stars been born, fades with the sun, lost to the mind that delves; how soon will time reveal my rightful place, among the sands that deferred your embrace 

✰✰✰ 

_cancer (june 21 – july 22)_  
a quote for you today:

leave the lights on. keep talking. i’ll keep walking toward the sound of your voice.  
\- richard siken, from section 21 of “you are jeff,” crush (yale university press, 2005) 

is what haru’s phone screen reads from that one astrology app nagisa (forcefully) installed on his phone when they got into astrology two months ago but never did something more than follow some astrology accounts on twitter. haru formed a habit of checking the “what the stars have aligned for you today” section of the app in some points of the day.

the stars aren’t making any sense today then, haru thinks as he closes his phone and pushes the library’s door open. 

his class ended fifteen minutes late before his library shift since someone pissed the professor off causing said professor to extend the class so he basically sprinted on the way to the library. as expected, the bell does the same sound it does every time someone opens the door. nagisa waved at him. 

on his way to the counter he realized that makoto tachibana is seating on his usual seat (three tables away the counter, near the arts section, a round narra table and two accompanying narra chairs), yet another hardbound engineering book in hand and a white paper cup.

nagisa immediately says, “he’s been here way before i am. amakata-sensei was even sitting with him earlier.”

haru nods. makoto tachibana usually comes by on weekdays at one in the afternoon and leaves at three, except on thursdays – which based on nagisa’s “research” (he literally just came up to makoto tachibana’s block mate and asked; said block mate looked partly terrified and partly amused) is a free day for engineering students. 

(“why do the engineering students get an off day but none for you literature majors?” nagisa asks after telling haru about his discovery on makoto tachibana’s schedule, stabbing a maki roll with his chopstick.  
“i do get an off day,” haru answers, “i just spend the day working in the library because awakata-sensei asks me to.”)

makoto tachibana flips another page while haru puts down his bag on the counter next to nagisa’s. “have you eaten yet?”

“no, my mom made me a sandwich. i’ll eat it on the way to class.”

“you know i can cook for you, right? you don’t have to eat a ham sandwich every day.”

nagisa smiles at him, “i know. i don’t mind the ham sandwiches though.”

his friend gestured him to come closer.

“you’re going to yell at my ear, aren’t you?”

nagisa feigns innocence at this, “what? i would never!”

but he did. once, when the library was packed because it was exam seasons and nagisa told him to come closer since awakata-sensei was scolding noisy students. haru was expecting gossip from nagisa but instead he just shrieked right into haru’s eardrums.

haru comes closer to him anyway.

“makoto-chan brought coffee in the library,” he whispers, “you know the rules for food.”

he nods at his friend and moves away. it’s true; students can’t bring coffee or food in general except water inside. and makoto tachibana happens to have a venti starbucks cup on his table.

“why don’t you kick him out?” he asks nagisa.

“why don’t _you_ kick him out?” nagisa asks back.

he gives nagisa a look. “it’s not my shift yet. you’re in charge.”

“i literally covered the first fifteen minutes of your shift.”

oh. 

“come on,” nagisa whines, “maybe you could ask for his number.”

“i’m gonna kick him out _then_ i’m gonna ask for his number?”

“i mean, not in that order! you can ask for his number then kick him out!”

“…”

“listen, you’re a smart boy. you get the idea, you’ll finally get to talk to him and maybe you’ll get his number!”

“i’ll think about it.” 

“haru-chan, what is there to think about? he’s a rule-breaker! during your shift!”

that gained a few glares from the students trying to study and nagisa immediately apologizes, but then turns to haru again. “are you really gonna let this rule-breaking slide, haru-chan? just because he’s mako-“

haru clamps his hand on nagisa’s mouth but the blonde keeps talking anyway. he keeps his hand there and says, “fine, i’ll kick him out but you should go to your classes first.”

this earns a nod from nagisa and haru removes his hand, which, _ew_ , is slightly wet from his friend’s saliva. he wipes it on his pants anyway. nagisa begins to collect his stuff, and gives haru one of those dude-bro half-hugs and runs towards the door. he did turn around and give haru a thumbs-up as if cheering him on his kick-makoto-tachibana-out-the-library mission, so haru rolls his eyes at the blonde.

haru does need to kick makoto tachibana out because he broke the library rules, but about the asking for number part? not a chance. pitch haru a scene here, he goes up to makoto tachibana in his glory, and asks him to leave because he’s carrying coffee in the library - which is a no-no - and when he’s packing his things, haru stops him and asks for his number? or alternatively, he goes up to makoto tachibana and asks for his number, and if he doesn’t do that, he’s going to ask him to leave the premises at once. both scenarios can go very wrong and really, what if haru is contented with just admiring makoto tachibana from afar?

(he isn’t. not really.)

whatever, haru thinks. i’m just going to kick him out because rules are rules. my attraction to him does not matter right now.  
he spent a total of two minutes staring at makoto tachibana’s broad shoulders trying to muster up the courage to remind him of the rules here. haru sighs before he starts to walk towards the table where he’s sitting. even haru doesn’t know why his heart is pounding like crazy in his chest and in the back of his mind, the idea of turning his heel and going back to the counter is really the best choice. he’s not really made for confrontations, and he has to remind himself that makoto tachibana is just a guy so that he doesn’t run and hide under the counter forever.

he eventually reached makoto tachibana’s table and tapped his shoulder.

and god, was it a mistake to keep his eyes on makoto tachibana’s back when he turned around. why did he have to have green eyes? 

“can i help you?” came in makoto tachibana’s voice.

“uh,” haru tries to keep his voice from being shaky because honestly, honestly, why is makoto tachibana’s voice so soft, “i’m sorry, you can only have water in the library.”

makoto tachibana just had to smile at him. that’s when haru knew he’s royally screwed. “this is water.”

huh. starbucks cup with water in it. okay.

“really?’ haru asked, trying to maintain composure when he’s actually! having! a! conversation! with! makoto! tachibana!

makoto responds to this by grabbing the said cup and takes off the lid to show him. it is water. h2o. inside the cup. right. “really.”

“oh.” is all haru could say.

makoto tachibana kept looking right back at him, though and it looks like something appeared to click in his brain and, “you’re haruka nanase, right? from the maid café?”

the fucking maid café.

(february, which was three months ago, for tokyo u is just a month-long celebration of its founding. and every college department has to come up with a booth to quote amakata-sensei “honor the tokugawa shogunate for creating such a high class institution.” one would imagine a bookshop, in relation to their major and showcase just how good it is to enjoy art in the written form, right? that’s what the best route is.

so imagine haru’s face when kisumi shigino, self-appointed president of the literature department for foundation week tells him that the literature department is going to have a maid café.

“you heard me right! we will have a maid café!”

“for what?”

“for the foundation week.” kisumi says it in a tone like _duh_.

“why a maid café, though?” someone else pipes in.

“why not?” kisumi retorts, “maid cafes are very famous! and i’m sure we’ll get tons of customers especially when we have the best looking students from tokyo university in maid outfits!”

literal crickets could be heard right there and then. but kisumi looks very convinced with his idea, and one thing about kisumi shigino, is that it’s his way or the high way. that’s how haru ended up wearing a maid outfit for the sake of profit and capitalism and was serving food and beverage to the customers coming in their booth mid-february. it could’ve been good, it’s not like they’re the first maid café in history anyway. 

but then makoto tachibana entered the premises and they locked eyes. 

haru asked to be sent to the kitchen after that.)

he tries to telepathize with every single god he knew, whether to thank them or curse at them? he also doesn’t know. his brain is currently short-circuiting because makoto tachibana remembers the maid café, and haru wearing a maid outfit.

“yeah.”

“i’m makoto tachibana,” he extends his hand and haru just automatically shakes it for no reason. “actually, i wanted to ask for your number.”

his brain has shutdown already when he found out that makoto tachibana knew his name. he’s asking for haru’s number? haru. haruka. haruka nanase. nanase haruka. his number.

he could not remember the last time he wanted to scream so badly.

“my number?”

“yes.”

listen, haru’s not ugly, first of all, for him to act like this is the first time someone asked for his number. he got asked out a couple times, even in high school. gets complimented in public, that kind of thing. not that those are the basis of being attractive anyway. but what are the chances of getting asked of his number by makoto tachibana? so it’s pretty understandable why haru thought it was too good to be true and he’s lowkey waiting for someone to jump out in hidden places in the library with all their hidden cameras and a giant tarpaulin saying, “you got pranked!”

but a beat passed and the lack of response from haru made makoto tachibana say, “it’s no pressure. i just wanted to take my chance, that’s all.”

realizing he’s not getting pranked, haru responds, “no, no. you can have my number. where can i write it down?” 

again, with makoto tachibana smiling at him looking like he won the lottery for getting haru’s number, before pulling out his cellphone, “here.”

haru held that phone like his newborn son and punched his number quickly but not too quickly to look eager and read it three times to make sure he typed it correctly, saved it as “haruka nanase” just to be sure that he’s the only haruka nanase makoto tachibana have on his phone. 

makoto smiles widens as he puts his phone on the table (does he sleep with a hanger in his mouth? does he not get tired of smiling?) and haru swears he hears birds chirping and newborn babies crying even though tokyo university’s in the city and nearest hospital is fifteen minutes away. 

he (tries) to smile back at him, even though he’s sure he looks like a constipated duck in doing so as he says, “i probably should get back there.”

“okay, haru-chan,” he flashes another smile and haru thinks that was the first thing he’ll see when the gates of heaven open.

haru actually doesn’t remember how he walked back to the counter without tripping because he is the no thoughts, head empty meme after that one hell of an interaction. makoto goes back to his hardbound book with a little smile and when he gets up to leave at three in the afternoon and signing off the library log books, looks haru in the eye, smiles and leaves the library.

❍ 

the first time haru spoke to nagisa was in the very same block where they’re eating cheap ramen right now.

(it was months ago, haru couldn’t remember the month but it doesn’t feel that long to him. they were both in the pharmacy next to this 7/11, haru was looking for hand-rubbing alcohol to restock the one he had in his apartment and he hears a very familiar high pitched voice saying “i don’t actually know the name but it’s a pill like this small and it should stop her from dying!”

it was the other student-librarian haru met the other day.

awakata-sensei briefly introduced them to each other and the head librarian told nagisa that haru’s a literature major, nagisa was, as usual, throwing his stuff to his bag and trying to leave the library because he’s late for his class. haru didn’t even get to shake his hand or bow to him.

he just yells, “nice to meet you, haru-chan!”

it’s the same short blonde in front of the wrinkly harada-san, the pharmacist, doing all kinds of explanation and description of the alleged pill except giving the name. he’s just waving a piece of paper in all directions hoping it makes sense. haru assumes it’s the prescription.

“yes, boy, i know it’s that small and it keeps people from dying like half of all the pills here,” harada-san, the pharmacist, replies flatly.

haru really isn’t the type to purposely help someone, not because he wants people to suffer per se, he just wants to save his energy. but nagisa looks like he’s on the verge of crying for not knowing what’s written on it and harada-san looks like he’s had enough for today.

that’s how haru found himself walking towards the counter, a 70 ml ethyl alcohol bottle in hand and taps nagisa’s shoulder. 

“ah, haru-chan?” 

he nods. “maybe i can read it,” then gestures to the prescription.

harada-san gave them a once-over while nagisa hands over the prescription.

the handwriting did look like it was written by a chicken but haru understood it.

_atorvastatin. 50 mg. 1x a day._

it’s a tablet for high cholesterol individuals. having doctor parents who didn’t know how to separate work from home turns out to be a life saver, he guesses. haru says this to harada-san who lets out a sigh of relief while nagisa looks at him like he’s the second coming of christ. 

they became inseparable after that.) 

both were eating in silence when haru says, “makoto asked for my number.”

nagisa, safe to say, spit out the noodles because of this, “what?”

“he asked for my number earlier,” he handed tissues to nagisa, who immediately wiped his mouth.

“what?” 

haru gave him the rundown of what happened, which only resulted to an even louder shriek from his friend.

“nagisa!” he tries to scold his friend, even though they’re the only ones eating there. 

“i cannot react in any way other than this, haru-chan! are you kidding me?”

“he only asked for it, it’s not a big deal.”

“oh, but it is! not when you literally recite shakespeare in your head when he’s within five kilometers radius!”

“shut up.”

“listen, think about it. newton’s laws or whatever said that opposites attract right? you and makoto-chan are literally the opposite ends of a magnet. he’s the talk of the town, the belle of the night, the darling of the crowd and all that, and well, you’re you.”

haru throws a wet tissue on nagisa’s face, “gee, thanks.”

nagisa laughs at this but says, “hey, honestly, i think he’s a great guy. i hope it works out, haru-chan.”

haru can feel his cheeks get warm at the thought of dating makoto tachibana and he can’t seem to find the words so he nods at nagisa as if saying yeah, i hope it does. they continue to eat after that, with nagisa sharing his day and haru laughing at his story-telling skills.

▬ 

later, when haru’s laying on his bed and his mind’s running a hundred miles per hour about the possibilities of all this going wrong, thinking maybe he asked for haru’s number for someone else or he typed in the wrong number and now makoto thinks he pranked him, or the astrology quote of the day was just messing with him -  
his phone lit up.

meaning someone sent him a message. 

he told himself not to get his hopes up but then his screen says:

 **unknown number**  
hi, haru-chan! it’s makoto. when are you free? :)  
9:34 pm

✰✰✰ 

#  3\. in memoriam a.h.h. (lord alfred tennyson) 

## 

love, then, had hope of richer store: what end is here to my complaint? this haunting whisper makes me faint, “more years had made me love thee more” 

✰✰✰ 

haru won’t deny the fact he did look up the astrological compatibility of a scorpio (makoto’s star sign) and cancer after he knew makoto’s birthday from his facebook profile. his favorite bit on the website says:

 _as time goes on and trust builds, scorpio lowers its guard and lets cancer in. from there, communication increases. together, the pair excels.  
much of their communique is unspoken. there’s an uncanny knowing of what the other is thinking. it’s not hocus-pocus either. instead, it’s a powerful intuitive bond that can’t be explained on this realm of reality. _

(he doesn’t tell makoto this, of course. haru think he knows about them being compatible anyway.)

the first date turned to sixth and weeks with makoto turned to months, that’s how makoto ended up at his apartment and a scary movie playing in his television set. it (2017) was in the middle part already and unfortunately, the horoscope website didn’t tell haru that makoto doesn’t really do well with scary movies at all. so imagine haru’s surprise when makoto let out an undignified scream when georgie got killed (eaten?) by the killer clown.

case in point when pennywise leaps out the projected screen and attacks the losers and makoto pulls the blanket they’re sharing over his head, leaving haru bare to the cold of his air-conditioning. and causing iruka, the dolphin plushie makoto won for haru when they went to the carnival, fall into the floor. well, haru thinks better than the vase of flowers from their first date given by makoto himself.

this happened at least thirty times over the last hour. 

haru fakes a tired sigh and tries to pull the cover back to him, “makoto.”

his boyfriend lets a strangled noise followed by a “no.”

“makoto.”

“no.”

“that scene’s over already, give me the blanket.”

makoto lowers the blanket, enough to look at haru from the other side of the couch. his bright eyes looks right into haru’s like a little puppy asking for a little petting. “is it?”  
“come here,” he looks right at the movie again and sees makoto, still in his blanket burrito madness move to his side. makoto drapes the blanket over their shoulders and lets his hand wrap around haru’s waist, “you killed iruka again.”

makoto laughs at this and haru wanted to have it as his ringtone. “iruka floated to pennywise.”

“i can’t believe you’re scared of clowns.”

makoto sputters, “he’s a killer clown, haru-chan! not the type to host birthday parties!”

he was about to retort when makoto pulls the blanket over his eyes again and haru rubbed circles on his lower back instead. makoto sinks further to haru’s side, his face turned to haru’s neck. 

“is this your ploy to get me close to you, haru-chan?"

“you wish.”

okay, to be fair, haru really didn’t know makoto isn’t into scary movies. he’d never want to put him into an uncomfortable situation, not ever. 

“well, it’s working,” he says to haru and now their knees are touching and he buries his face into haru’s neck further. makoto’s breath on his neck kinda made haru dizzy for a moment, “i think you teamed up with pennywise.”

haru doesn’t answer but pulls the boyfriend close and plants a kiss on his ear instead, and runs his hand up and down makoto’s back to heat up his hand. he feels makoto’s face get warmer since it’s against his neck. 

makoto presses a kiss on the point between his jaw and ear and lets his lips linger there for a moment.

haru thinks he can get used to this. 

(he remembers when makoto slept over for the first time.

“uh, i’ll sleep on your couch, haru-chan.”

“what.”

“me, i’m going to sleep on your couch.”

“don’t be stupid, makoto.”

a beat. they just kind of stared at each other but haru feels like his face is going to burn from blushing so much.

“i’m saying, you can sleep on my bed.”

“but it’s your bed! why should i get your bed and you get the couch?”

“makoto.”

“oh.”

“we’re going to sleep in the same bed, is that okay?”

makoto nods but the tips of his ears went red, he sits on haru’s bed.

“should i put a pillow in the middle, haru-chan?”

“no, not really.”

they woke up with haru buried in makoto’s chest the next day.)

▬ 

in the dead of the night when they’re both laying on haru’s bed, both awake and hand-in –hand.

there’s just something comforting about holding makoto’s hand at night. when there are no other people to look at them while walking at the aquarium and mouths shut but chattering eyes. haru wants to snap at them, because makoto does not deserve unwarranted hate from people who are stupid.

“when i look at people, i think of them as houses sometimes.” makoto whispers this, like it’s some of secret between him and the four corners of haru’s bedroom. haru doesn’t speak for a moment. he has no idea what to say but runs his thumb over makoto’s pronounced knuckles.

“what kind of house am i?”

when haru looked beside him, makoto had his eyes closed but he had this little smile on his face. nagisa calls it the haru smile, something makoto has only for haru apparently. haru wonders if he has a makoto smile.

“i think you’d be a beach house,” makoto says, “i sometimes think my life is just one big ocean, you know? constant waves of ups and downs. and maybe when i get up from the ocean, i’ll come to you and rest.”

haru hears _i think i'm in love with you_ in the air.

“you’re so corny.” haru says _i’m in love with you too_.

makoto laughs at this, the lightest laugh haru heard like he knows haru was thinking. he comes closer to haru, wrapping their hands a little tighter.

“i don’t know why but when i’m with you i just become corny,” and cups haru’s cheek till they’re locking eyes even in the dark.

when makoto kisses him and haru closes his eyes – he knows they’re both smiling into it.

✰✰✰ 

#  4\. the difference (neil powell) 

## 

dark comes fast: lighthouse and streetlamp pierce it you sit at the window, silent as i write we are no longer locked in self-defence being with you has made all the difference 

✰✰✰ 

“they’ve been doting on him literally ever since you guys got here,” nagisa says while filling his cup with beer again.

from where he and nagisa are sitting, makoto stands out from the crowd of old people in the buffet and getting doted by several grandmas in the line. one even grabbed him by this shirt and when his face is close enough to the grandma in the red dress, she plants a kiss on his cheek and they laugh when his the tips of his ear turn red. 

“ah, what a handsome young man you are!” one says and makoto does this thing where he looks like he’s either going to cry for help or he’s going to burst out laughing. nagisa downs the cup of beer in one go.

it’s nagisa’s nineteenth birthday. 

they’re in nagisa’s grandma’s house to celebrate it, three hundred kilometers away from tokyo and makoto and haru made sure he clears his schedule for his friend. that means haru and makoto crammed their syllabus one wednesday night, cups of coffee on makoto’s desk and printouts of their home works (and probably mitski’s discography playing in the background) just to spend the day with nagisa. 

since it’s in the back yard, there’s a lot of open space for everyone to mingle with each other and by mingle meaning makoto getting smothered by mitsui-san’s friends. it’s kind of funny actually, it’s nagisa’s birthday but most of the invited are his grandmother’s friends, but haru think it’s good to get a break from people his age anyway.

nagisa suddenly rips the gift from haru and makoto and lets out a surprised shriek.

“you guys didn’t have to get me this,” his voice was smaller than haru’s ever heard it. so he guess they got the right gift. 

“happy birthday, nagisa.” then nagisa jumps out his seat to wrap haru in a hug.

(when haru and makoto were online shopping for the birthday gift, they were lying down on makoto’s bed and haru’s laptop was sitting on his abdomen.

the city sleeps before them.

makoto was wearing his glasses, he usually takes the contacts out when he goes home from his classes, and he was wiping the screen with his fingers. haru’s head rests on his shoulder – it’s comfortable to do so, makoto has broad shoulders. 

“should i get him this mermaid tail blanket? nagisa once said he wants to be a mermaid.”

“i’m getting him a trolli pack.”

“haru-chan, don’t be stingy. it’s his birthday!”

a beat. “he mentioned he wants that popular video game these kids are playing. he even has a keychain of it.”

makoto laughs, “you talk like you’re not in university yourself.”

“i think it has a squirrel in it.”

“a squirrel in a video game?” 

makoto didn’t wait for an answer and types into the laptop. haru looks at the results from google, and none of the video game posters has the squirrel in it. 

“it’s not there.”

“does the game have other feature other than the squirrel? is it a cooking game?”

“no, i think you build a village and run a farm.”

 _squirrel build a village and farm game_ , makoto types the keywords in the search bar again.

“is it harvest moon?”

“there are no squirrel in there,” frustration creeps into his voice. haru can’t remember the name.

“it’s like we’re playing a guessing game.”

“like captain hook or something. the name of the character sounds like captain hook.”

makoto looks at him with furrowed eyebrows for a moment and they just kind of stare at each like that’s what they should have been doing earlier. 

then makoto lets a giggle (a fucking giggle) than evolved to a fuller laugh, his usual loud-but-soft laugh like haru has not been getting frustrated for not remembering what his only friend wants for his birthday.

“it’s animal crossing, haru-chan.”

the character’s name on nagisa’s keychain is tom nook, a tanuki and makoto’s laugh got louder when realization dawns on haru’s face; he leans in to kiss haru on the forehead anyway despite mistaking a tanuki for a squirrel.

the physical copy of the game arrived two days later.)

▬ 

nagisa’s a lightweight, haru confirms later that night when nagisa falls face down on the grass bed across the yard, after three full cups of beer thirty minutes after opening the gift. the grandmas immediately ran to pick him up.

he laughs as he hears nagisa claim he’s not drunk yet over nishino kana’s voice singing him happy birthday blaring from the speakers. 

yeah, right. haru takes another sip from his cup.

“haruka, you don’t dance?” asks mitsui-san, sitting on the chair next to haru’s. she’s wearing a black wrap dress and a stupid pointy hat, courtesy of nagisa. there are flowers in her curly hair. she’s holding two plates full of nagisa’s birthday cake and thrusts one in haru’s hands. she looks like she slept with a hanger in her mouth with the way her smile never dropped throughout the night.

“not really,” says haru. he takes the cake and bites in it despite his feeling tispy. 

“look at all these oldies like they don’t have rheumatoid arthritis to deal with.” haru lets out a laugh. “we’re not thirty anymore. we’re all gonna bitch about this in the morning.”

suddenly, his hand gets grabbed by mitsui-san and she’s dragging a very, very surprised haru to the “dance floor” which is just the middle of yard. imagine this, haru who’s at least five foot and ten inches, getting dragged by an elderly who’s a foot shorter than him. she has her hand wrapped around his wrist while the other women’s cheering him on to dance. to dance, haru internally deadpans, i can’t even walk in a straight line. and the pieces of cake are left for the wolves to eat. or, well, flies.

okay, maybe the beer _did_ hit after standing up suddenly and now haru thinks there are fairies dancing in the air. 

he starts to look around, head turning from the other direction. no way in hell he’s not gonna see makoto here among the sea of dancing elderly women in the yard and nagisa snoring from the wooden table next to the buffet, laying on his back. why didn’t makoto tell him where he’s going? he knows haru doesn’t do well with crowds, even if they’re just a crowd of his friend’s adoptive grandmothers dancing with each other in their drunken haze. truth be told, makoto does most of the talking when they’re out in public – makoto ordering food for the both of them, makoto buying the tickets for an amusement park ride, makoto buying the snacks when they go to the movies – that’s how they work and that’s their dynamic. so where the hell is he?

all those petty little thought in his mind went away all at once when makoto’s hand found its way on the small of his back. “haru-chan, why aren’t you dancing?”

haru lets out a sigh of relief, but mitsui jeers, “come on, makoto, show your boyfriend how to dance!”

makoto laughs at this but never removed the hand on his back, “i don’t really know how to.”

atsushi, a lady with big pearl earrings grabbed makoto anyway towards the middle part of the yard and says, “nonsense! anyone can dance!”

the crowd follows them like a colony of ants but they were loud and laughing and full of energy and leaves haru standing there. makoto had spent very little time with him since he’s getting doted on by the grandmas and helps with carrying trays of food and moving chairs and fixing fairy lights since he’s the tallest here so he only got one kiss in the cheek from makoto today and haru is longing for his warmth again, even if the image of him dancing with atsushi is undeniably endearing. neither of them seems skilled anyway and atsushi spends more time laughing than properly teaching makoto how to dance but they look so happy and bright, even when they bump with other dancing couples.

he probably looks like a sap watching makoto make a fool out of himself because he didn’t even realize mitsui still standing next to him. 

“makoto’s a good guy, right, haruka?” she asks. there’s something vague in her tone, almost like she’s nostalgic, almost like she’s missing something. haru didn’t know what to think of this.

but while dancing in the crowd, makoto catches his eye and smiles. 

“the best,” haru responds, and smiles back at him.

▬ 

that night on the train home, when makoto’s leaning on his shoulder and was looking at the scenery outside, haru leans on his ear and recites a wordsworth line just quietly enough to make sure it’s only makoto who hears it.

love betters what is best, he says but he hopes makoto hears _i love you. thank you for putting up with me._

makoto held his hand right there and then, for everyone in the train to see as if saying _you do the same for me._

nagisa was right, haru muses as he stares at their intertwined fingers – makoto tachibana wanted to hear some wordsworth.

✰✰✰ 

#  5\. give me back my man (steve cranfrield) 

## 

all the parts rhyme: yearning, burning and returning surrendering the all i have to give now each day’s dawning will bring discoveries, new ways to mesh us; never split, infinitive 

✰✰✰ 

contrary to popular belief, makoto tachibana has bad days.

he’s not the flawless, bright-eyed boy everyone thinks and expects him to be all the time. 

and they look different than haru’s. while haru prefers to deal with his bad days with going out, and generally just not stay inside enough to grow with mold in his apartment - makoto’s bad days tends to be more silent and hidden between the undazed stares and shaky hands. it would probably slip past someone else’s eyes or someone who doesn’t know makoto that much.

well, to be fair, makoto does sometimes pretend he doesn’t have bad days so he doesn’t worry haru. 

(they were both standing outside makoto’s condominium unit; it was right after finals season. they were supposed to go out and eat to celebrate surviving the exam season but haru postponed it since makoto seemed so out of it. he didn’t even see haru standing outside his exam room until haru had to grab his hand. 

“you okay?” but makoto only nods back.

on the way to the condo, they didn’t talk much. makoto usually does the talking and carries the conversation by telling haru how his day went, like a classmate pissing a professor off or this little kitten he met on the way to school. haru didn’t want to pry then because makoto was looking at the view of the sea from the side of the street they were walking on and figured that maybe makoto would want some peace and quiet on the way home.

but when makoto tries to slide in the key on his door, haru saw his hands shaking and makoto lets out a huff like he’s angry but mostly tired. 

“makoto.”

he looks at haru and the tears starts to fall. 

makoto failed his finals for steel structure and he thinks he’ll never be an engineer.

haru spent the night then, rubbing circles on his back and holding him close.)

he knows he can’t solve the internal battle his boyfriend’s facing so he keeps him company instead. while makoto’s lying on his bed looking at the ceiling, haru’s reading some printouts for his classes, or even cleaning makoto’s cluttered desk. haru hopes makoto knows that he doesn’t have to pretend like he doesn’t have bad days with him. he can be makoto’s safe space. 

makoto’s room is painted in light blue, the color of the sky when it’s clear and the sun is beaming. he even told haru that the blue in his room reminds him of haru’s eyes. in the background, makoto’s playing the playlist haru gave him filled with the songs they’d play when they’re sharing earphones while walking home. haru thinks it’s cute makoto still listens to it after all this time. i guess it’s true that scorpios are secretively sentimental, he muses.

haru lies on the bed next to makoto, who’s still staring at the ceiling. 

this occurrence could actually be traced to facebook, specifically, makoto’s facebook timeline. they were just eating lunch that haru cooked for the both of them and makoto was scrolling on facebook when he found the post. 

the post being makoto’s mom commenting on one of the “type your wishes in the comments so jesus can read it” type of posts and the comment reads:

_i hope you give my son makoto the strength to become a doctor. free him from his fantasies. amen 🙏_

his parents wanted him to be the first doctor in the family, makoto shares during one of their dates, when they were walking home. he thought he should give it a chance since he’s the eldest anyway and he should listen to his parents, even though he knew when he was younger that he wants to be an engineer. he applied to tokyo u with biochemistry as his pre-med and his first choice of course, chemistry as his second and engineering as his last. 

the first two years where bearable, he says. there were a lot of general subjects so he understood chemistry easily. and for a while he thought maybe he can pursue medicine after all. but third year came and there are no general subjects to make the course bearable, all of the subjects are centered on biochemistry.

they don’t really talk about their families, the two of them; also never met any of their families either. they both decided it’s for the best anyway; haru’s parents are in the united states and makoto’s family in the countryside. it’s less hassle and it’s none of their business.

“i thought i was going to lose my mind,” makoto laughs when he notices haru shuffling close to him but haru knows it carries something heavy underneath. he wipes the tears pooling on the corners of makoto’s eyes with his thumb. 

so after the first semester of his third year in biochemistry, he shifted to engineering without telling his parents. and judging by his mom’s comment, they didn’t take the news well. that’s why he spends a lot of time in the library, to catch up on two years’ worth of engineering knowledge. 

makoto’s eyes continue to be haru’s favorite part of him – they’re wide and soft but tired but he knows makoto chose it. 

haru lets him talk. “i don’t really see myself being a doctor. i’ve always wanted to build, you know? in the countryside, we usually get flooded because the pipes underneath the road aren’t built properly. and we couldn’t play in the rain outside because my parents are afraid one of the pipes is going to pop off like a geyser and kill me.”

makoto looks at him in the eyes for the first time after how many hours. his eyes were glassy from the tears and he tries to wipe it off hastily like he’s embarrassed to be crying in the first place. haru cups both of his cheeks and wipes the tears with his thumbs. 

haru thinks its so unfair that makoto had to deal with that. he’s the most beautiful boy haru ever laid his eyes on, he’s kind and puts up with him and he did turn out to be the type to rescue kittens while raining.

“haru-chan.” 

“makoto.”

“you can change your mind about me.”

“i won’t.”

“i’ll never be good enough.” 

“you’re enough for me.” 

makoto closes his eyes after that and more tears fell. “still, you can always change your mind about me.”

“i know, but i won’t.”

makoto takes a breath and it comes out a sob. it’s like the words have turned the faucet open and it all comes out, like he’s been holding it back all this time. haru buries his face in makoto’s neck and lets him cry, their foreheads touching.

and it _hurts._

oh, god, does it hurt to hear makoto cry. each heave and each sob from him tears haru’s chest open and plunging deep in his stomach. makoto, brave and beautiful in every way a person can be, all this time he has this insecurities that envelope his entire being that makes him feel small and unworthy.

“remember when you said i’m a beach house to you?” he whispers. makoto sobs harder on his neck but nods. “i can be your beach house, too.”

✰✰✰ 

#  6\. untitled work 

✰✰✰ 

haru was running in a forest and he doesn’t know how long he’s been running. his thighs are sore and he’s dripping in sweat. hands were trembling but he was holding a gun on the left one. police sirens were blaring from every corner.

what the hell is he running from? why is it so dark? 

haru looks around, hoping makoto is waiting for him

(he isn’t.)

then something blasts off from behind him and his skin felt like it was burning.

he screams for makoto, hoping he’d hear his cries.

(he doesn’t.)

▬ 

he bolts awake.

haru blinks a couple of times to realize that he just had a nightmare, and he blinks a couple more to realize where he is.

sitting on a bed, right. he’s sitting on a bed and makoto’s next to him. a picture of them in suits during the sunset in okitsu beach was in a picture fram and stands prettily on their bedside drawer.

he’s on a bed on their shared apartment and makoto’s literally snoring lightly on the other side of the bed. their hands were still tangled, those are one of the things they just do. even though makoto’s such a heavy sleeper and haru tosses and turns when he sleeps, one would think someone’s ending up on the floor. but in the morning, it doesn’t matter if makoto’s thigh is on haru’s stomach or haru’s facing the other way – their hands are still holding onto each other.

the moonlight’s illuminating makoto’s face and haru takes in the slope of his nose, the way his eyebrows are slightly furrowed even while sleeping, the long lashes and his pink lips, all for haru to admire in silence. 

ah, of couse, the thin band of a gold ring on his finger.

haru smiles remembering that day, only a handful of people were invited and it was a beach ceremony. he remembers awakata-sensei giving a speech about how the library brought the two of them together. he remembers sousuke yamazaki saying makoto went to the maid café only to see haru wearing a maid outfit. he remembers nagisa giving his bestman speech, accidentally revealing that haru has had a crush on makoto way before they even talked.

“aw, haru-chan, you’ve been crushing on me for that long?” makoto teased him then but he was smiling so wide, haru couldn’t help but smile back.

“shut up.”

“you don’t have to be embarrassed by it.” 

“…”

“i had a crush on you, too! you looked really cute with the maid outfit!” 

haru looked at him then and thinks he’s the best thing in the world. and the universe agrees with him. he leans in and kisses him in front of people, just because. 

and it _hurts._

but it wasn’t the bad type of hurt. 

haru feels like he’s going to be physically sick with the amount of positive emotions he felt that day. he was nervous of messing up his vows, which turned out to be sonnet 17 by shakespeare and literally no one was surprised but makoto cries into the tissue he’s holding anyway. but he was mostly, and he wishes he can put into words other than it feels a lot like _love_. 

haru didn’t know love could feel this much, it feels like its overflowing and it feels beautiful. 

haru’s fallen in love before, multiple times even;

but he’s sure what he has with makoto comes once in a lifetime. 

shakespeare nor wordsworth don’t have the words to describe the beauty makoto has, the kindness he has, the brightness he exudes every waking day. someday, haru thinks, one day, i’ll find my words for you, my love.

he makes sure to look outside the windows that night and thank the stars for bringing makoto in his life. ♡


End file.
